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What would be her answer? Had her mother given her the permission to go out with me?"My mom said that I could go provided that I am back before midnight."Wow, I had a date. All the tension within my body was suddenly eddying away and I felt as if I had been elected athlete of the year.It took me a couple of seconds before I could answer her back, and when I did, my voice was trembling with joy."That is great. When do you want me to pick you up?" I will be ready at seven thirty, is that fine with you?"Was that OK with me? Of course it was fine with me. I would have picked her up at any time she wanted, even right now if she had insisted on it."Very well, I will be at your place at seven thirty. See you then."At last I finally had done it. I felt exhilarated with joy, as I remained frozen in front of the phone. In the back of my mind I was afraid to hear it ring with Rachel telling me that she had changed her mind. But then I realized that I had called from a pay phone and there was no. Everything is much clearer and answers are so much more obvious in direct proportion to the number of beers I drink. I had four beers in the first hour and oddly, they didn't help, so I had a few more. It was the strangest thing. I didn't even get drunk. I just got mad. Then I got morose. Then I felt totally, completely alone.As I sat there thinking about Theresa, I realized she had come to infiltrate every part of my being. She had been the thing that had made me complete. I couldn't blow my nose or wipe my ass without thinking how she would want me to do it. I succeeded at work largely because she had always pushed, prodded, and encouraged me to want better and to feel I could do better. She had made me feel confident and equal to any man.The bitch had been so sneaky about it! I never actually realized she had been making me dependent on her. She was like a drug. I had always told myself I could quit any time, cold turkey. The truth was; I was addicted... to a goddamn cheating.
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